that knot in your stomach...

could it be the beginnings of an ulcer caused by the freakin' Seattle Mariners horrendously corporate, ignorant front office pushing the odds of my witnessing a Mariners World Series victory hopelessly into the stratosphere of unachievable? could it be the pending purchase of a restaurant and bar with two close friends, taking on more responsibilty than i ever have? a three-quarter of a million dollar business will be under our control. thats mad scary, and could very easily cause a knot in my stomach. could it be the thoughts of grad school, potentially entering the college of education at the university of washington or maybe even work towards an American Ethnic Studies graduate degree like i had been talking about for all of these years? that would be a step back to my roots, one which i believe everyone expects me to make eventually. or could it be that inescapable feeling of personal connection, enjoying time and space shared with another person so much you catch yourself feenin' for it. you have that ability to focus your thoughts on the task at hand, be it work, reading, riding up a gimongous hill, or making the bombest rack of ribs known to man. but you still have that knot, reminding you that your proverbial life pie is one slice short of whole. this connection can be a bestfriend, it can be a lover, or it could be both. companionship doesn't cause the knot, unless you are in love with that person, and i know we all have seen when harry met sally. i have a big ass knot in my stomach. and i don't quite know what it is. what i do know, is that Bill Bavasi, Chuck Armstrong, and Howard Lincoln need to be fired so i can at least watch decent baseball in the month of June. i also know that we are about to buy Luau, which is a huge investment, and a risk i never thought i would take. i know too that i am serious about applying for grad school, and can picture myself as a high school history teacher and one day, an administrator who fights to improve the standard of urban public schools, resources, structures, and curriculum. i see myself writing a couple of historical fiction books, with many of my closest friends as characters. and i see myself falling in love again. this knot could be any one of those things, but if i had to guess, i would say my heart is causing this knot...lord help a brotha...holla!