it's been almost 6 years. a lot has happened in that time. i don't know where to start, other than to it is weird to be older and younger and fit and worn all at once.
sitting in a breezy window on Kauai, having experienced the most insanely intense and difficult week of my life. needed to escape. it is possible that escape is never a necessity? or maybe a cop out? or do the craziest times require some form of escape to see things for what they are? create distance or space to view it all clearly? i don't know. much really. my mom says things clear up at 40. become easier to navigate. well, i had better accelerate my learning mom, because right now it all is pretty murky.
there are so many topics i want to explore.
community. how does one belong? gain membership? why?
life partner. is it necessary? is life less without it? how do you know?
expression of loneliness as a man. a father. is this acceptable?
clouds of darkness. if you are heavy, if you carry darkness at your core, is it possible to escape it?
maybe entries for another time.
what i know is i feel like i've been through a hurricane, a tornado, some life-altering shit. and i'm still standing. rooted. like an old oak tree. i have a best friend who has been my rock throughout it all, and peripheral friends who i know care and support. one day i'll understand the best way to thank them.
in the mean time, marination is the goal, without worry...
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