aimless wanderings of an oozing mind...

should is a powerful, pushy sort of word. and when i get caught up in what i "should" do, as opposed to what i would or want to do, my mind and soul conflict. am i in one of those times? not really. but my mind oozes, searching for solidifying compounds, people, books, espresso macchiatos. i "should" be as excited as i have ever been, politically, socially, even personally. Barack Obama is about to be sworn in as president of the united states...a black president! damn! and if we can get off of this black/white binary thing where everyone in between black and white (see yellow, brown, red) is invisible, then we might get somewhere. i "should" be excited about the maybe/probably funky dope coffee shop in columbia city, filled with candles, d'angelo, elements of cool, and the aroma of stumptown coffee...and i am. this is my dream, my creation, or "another bad one" if you want to call it that? yet, there will always be a nostalgic remnant of night and bartending (or barbacking when i work with particularly slow ones). why? am i always wishing for what's next? dreaming the next "vision?" or is there really reason to miss it? and we (seattle) are finally finally finally building light rail. a city with light rail and bike lanes and coffee shops and sushi make for a giddy, emotionally skyrocketing soul, yet there are days when i am a somber bicylclist, cold and dreary. today it is amazingly sunny, and i remembered to take my vitamin D. all is well as my mind morphs into some semblance of shape, not amoeba-like, and thoughts solidfy. tomorrow, we shall see...