love...

i love my daughter...i love my mother...i love coffee...i love smoked pork...i love sunshine...lately, i love my bicycle...i love hawaii...i love my buspass...i love mexico...i really love books...i love lake washington...i love garfield high school...i love giving flowers...i love chile verde...i love the Mariners...i love vitamin D...i love reading...i love walking...i love exploring cities previously unknown to me...i love the music of D'angelo and Maxwell...i love hummus...i love a great cappuccino...i love garlic...i love grapefruit supremes...i love the university of michigan...i am beginning to love myself...and i will soon love again

i'm a leper...

so i spend two days a week in a community north of seattle called mill creek. my daughter lives there and i pick her up from school and take the bus home with her wednesdays and thursdays, leaving her friday morning to be picked up by her mother. no big deal right? thursdays are spent at a local coffee house reading while she is in school. sounds innocent, right? well...it is innocent other than i feel as out of place as 1982 Richard Pryor in Coeur d'Alene on a getaway vacation! i should wear pleated (lightest shade!) beige khakis, a white three-button polo shirt with my corporate insignia, order a grande vanilla nonfat latte, and grow a moustache somewhere between Charles Barkley's and MagnumPI's. i also must flirt with every pleathery skinned woman above the age of 42 and wear white New Balance almost Orthopedic tennis shoes to designate my leisure if i am on vacation from work. i am scared to show the cover of my Che' book out there out of fear of a lecture or worse yet a beating. i mean it! the looks i received one ill-fated time i decided to leave the book on my table when i went to the washroom could have drilled holes in my head! it doesn't help that i'm not white either. i rant, because i care. i've grabbed my morning coffee at this establishment on wednesday and thursday for about a year now, and i sincerely feel pretty unique as far as dress, speech, and level of pigmentation, yet there has been NO acknowledgement of my repeat patronage even though this particular company prides itself on its ability to engage its customers and its desire to learn names and make it your "third place." i don't blame the company in particular. shoot, i worked for them for four years! the employees (partners) are also from this community, so i believe it is bred in all of them to distrust, ostricize, and at times mistreat folks who are different. i shouldn't be surprised. i wouldn't be out there if my daughter did not live there. yes, it is difficult for me that she is spending the majority of her time there. yes, i give every effort to show her different ways to think and live when she is with me. but i can't help but feel like an outsider when i am there. i know i can be overly conscious of my differences, but this place is ridiculous! in time, i hope i feel a little more comfortable in milky white suburban America. but deep down, i also know that milky white suburban America is holding on for its life. Caucasians will be the racial minority within three to four decades, and class will always be the lense through which i view my experiences. However, my time in Mill Creek has been eye-opening, and i swear to never make anyone feel like a leper in my community!

speaking of Donruss...

Topps? Donruss? Upper Deck? or Fleer? i was a Fleer guy myself. the 87 fleer with the light blue border was the freshest. that Eric Davis 87 fleer rookie card was dope. what about the 89 Upper Deck Ken Griffey Jr. rookie? or the Mark McGwire Topps Olympic card? or the 87 Donruss Benito Santiago Rated Rookie? or the 88 Donruss Gregg Jeffries? Nevermind. just reminiscing...holla!

the tooth fairy...

my daughter lost her two bottom teeth over the past week (thank god). she was so excited, jumping up and down. she stayed up 'til 10:30 waiting for the tooth fairy. that (mom's house) tooth fairy left her 2 dollars. she lost her second tooth last night, and the freakin' tooth fairy at daddy's (that's me!) left her 10 dollars! 10 freakin dollars?!?!?!? remember when the tooth fairy left you a nickel? or a quarter if you were of wealthy stock? dang! she is spoiled but that is besides the point. she must of been that broadmoor tooth fairy. where was she when i wanted a new box of donruss? holla!

that knot in your stomach...

could it be the beginnings of an ulcer caused by the freakin' Seattle Mariners horrendously corporate, ignorant front office pushing the odds of my witnessing a Mariners World Series victory hopelessly into the stratosphere of unachievable? could it be the pending purchase of a restaurant and bar with two close friends, taking on more responsibilty than i ever have? a three-quarter of a million dollar business will be under our control. thats mad scary, and could very easily cause a knot in my stomach. could it be the thoughts of grad school, potentially entering the college of education at the university of washington or maybe even work towards an American Ethnic Studies graduate degree like i had been talking about for all of these years? that would be a step back to my roots, one which i believe everyone expects me to make eventually. or could it be that inescapable feeling of personal connection, enjoying time and space shared with another person so much you catch yourself feenin' for it. you have that ability to focus your thoughts on the task at hand, be it work, reading, riding up a gimongous hill, or making the bombest rack of ribs known to man. but you still have that knot, reminding you that your proverbial life pie is one slice short of whole. this connection can be a bestfriend, it can be a lover, or it could be both. companionship doesn't cause the knot, unless you are in love with that person, and i know we all have seen when harry met sally. i have a big ass knot in my stomach. and i don't quite know what it is. what i do know, is that Bill Bavasi, Chuck Armstrong, and Howard Lincoln need to be fired so i can at least watch decent baseball in the month of June. i also know that we are about to buy Luau, which is a huge investment, and a risk i never thought i would take. i know too that i am serious about applying for grad school, and can picture myself as a high school history teacher and one day, an administrator who fights to improve the standard of urban public schools, resources, structures, and curriculum. i see myself writing a couple of historical fiction books, with many of my closest friends as characters. and i see myself falling in love again. this knot could be any one of those things, but if i had to guess, i would say my heart is causing this knot...lord help a brotha...holla!

blog number one!!!

i dream of this summer, when i can bring all of my best friends together for a BBQ. a celebration of sunshine, positive energy, progression, health, and love. i imagine James, Jamine, Tony, Toby, Myer, Kyle, Keoke, Maria, Kasey, Elisabeth, Robin, Lily, Brent, Jesse, Fatima, Ralph, Melissa, their newborn baby, Megan, Airiona, Amanda, Lisa, Andre, April, Steve, Steve-O, Gina, and so many other friends all together to celebrate. So often we don't stop to appreciate all of the incredible people in our lives. i know i don't. i also never have the opportunity to get all of the people i care about, from so many different social circles, together at one time. i imagine inviting everyone, hyped. at golden gardens, a cookout. i would start the pork shoulder at 7am, staking out a spot in the sand near the water. James would join me, bringing coffee. I would have a boombox, bumping MosDef, D'Angelo, John Legend, E-40, and Jimi Hendrix. the sun would already be bright. the night before, i would debate as to whether to wear the black guyabera or the white one, knowing the white one would get dirty. black "gaucho-style" shorts, flip-flops, and a guyabera. the smell of the pork shoulder would permeate the skies, white folks wondering what the hell that kid is making in the weber. james and i would relax in the folding chairs, knowing this was about to be the best day of the summer! As the morning wore on, people started to straggle up. each person would be greeted with a huge smile and a hug. this is the one day we are all family. i would introduce everyone to everyone. kids running around, people laughing, it would be one huge joyous party. when everyone arrived, we would gather around the BBQ, and i would ask everyone to listen up for a sec. "i am so thankful for everyone here today! this is a beautiful thing. please eat until you can't eat anymore. i love you!" the music, the dancing, the new introductions, a sunset, and the sharing of love brings me to an emotional place. just about everyone has left, and i drop to my knees, watching the last bit of sun disappear over the horizon. D'Angelo's "A'aight" is groovin,' and i turn to the final remaining friend, and give her a huge hug. she looks at me and asks why i am crying. my tears are tears of happiness, thankful for such amazing people in my life. i thank her for her presence in my life, grab my radio, and hold her hand...walking slowly along the shorefront...wandering back to reality...